First off, I just want to say- thank you all for keeping up with me so far! I know that this is only officially day one, but the comments and emails that I've gotten have shown me that I really wasn't alone. With that, I'd like to say- please comment! We can all help each other by sharing our stories.
Ok, now on with it. If any of you are like me (which is honestly probably not the case, because I'm a little on the strange side), then when you became single, you searched the old 'net for good break up songs and tips for coping with break ups. Whether you did or didn't, I don't want to slam a dry ass generic list of breakup tips on you, because you could find that anywhere. But there are a few things that have helped me that I want to share. If you want to add anything- please comment! I'd love to hear more...
What will it take for me to love me?
This morning, I said that I'd spend the day trying to figure out what it's going to take to finally be happy with just me. Besides masturbation. Okay, I didn't say that, but I mean, a great solo orgasm really does make me happy for a few. Anyways, I really did think it over, and though I haven't yet implemented most of this, I'd like to share with you what I came up with so far...
- Forgive me. This sounds crazy, but the minute I got dumped I started obsessing over all of the things that I did that probably caused this. Truth is, whether I was a perfect angel or a piece of crap girlfriend, there's no way to really know whether or not she would've eventually left me or cheated. So I need to forgive myself, stop obsessing, and try to keep moving forward.
- Find 5 (at least) positive thing to say while looking in the mirror...and believe it. Okay; I'm warning you now that this is about to be a Dr. Phil moment, but I hope you'll try to take it seriously. Ladies (and gents), let's face it- we're really amazing. In fact, I daresay that we're fucking amazing. So things didn't work out with one person. All that means is that we're one step closer to being with the right person, if that's what is meant to be. So starting right now- I'm so serious, because I'll know if you don't do this - get up, look in the mirror, and compliment yourself on 5 things. If you have a nice butt- say it to you. Is your smile beautiful? Do you have eyes as deep as the sea? Say it! You're so allowed to love yourself, and since you're fucking amazing, you really should. * Ending Dr. Phil moment *
- Take pride in your belongings. The moment my ex left, I embarked upon a journey to make my apartment as filthy as humanly possible. Not purposely, of course. But I came home, undressed at the front door on in the hallway, and left things where they fell. I ate dinner and left dishes where ever they felt like being. My cat became an alcoholic, drinking the remnants of wine glass after wine glass that I left sitting around for him. That's probably why he's such an asshead... I was so bad that I only flushed the toilet when the funk fumes materialized and started watching TV while I was at work, thus running up the electricity bill. And my car? You don't even wanna know what was going on in there... But you know, one way to automatically improve your mood is to come home to a clean house, or walk out of your office to find your sparkling, freshly waxed car. It makes you feel like at least parts of your life are in order, you know? So clean up! ...and this is off topic, but I know some of you aren't eating. EAT!
Okay, so that's all that I have for now. But if you'd like to add things that you do to the list, feel free...
Next topic...
Great songs to make you feel better:
I listen to a lot of music, but after a break up, my tastes switch to primarily alternative and pop. Therefore, my list is a little one-sided on the genre scale. So if you have anything that you'd like to add to the list, you know what to do. ...but I'll say it anyway- COMMENT!
- "Song for the dumped", by Ben Folds. This song isn't going to help you think positive thoughts about your ex, but you might just feel liberated
- "That's the way it is" by Celine Dion. I'm listening to this one right now. This song is great after a break up.
- "Your fractured life" by Air Traffic. It's slow and might make you cry, but the words are so inspirational: "You've got the strength within, don't give up there's so much more to see, So many things beyond your wildest dreams, Nothing can stop if you just believe...Please don't let me down." Yep- this is a truly great song. Now that you're part of my 15 days, I hope you never feel alone, but if you do anyway, listen to that song.
- "Go your own way" by Fleetwood Mac. I don't know, it's just a great song. Any Rock Band players? So great to sing this song on Rock Band...
- "You Gotta Be" by Desiree. The ultimate chick anthem, and...it's not Alt or pop!
So I'm going to leave it there for now...but add to it if you have a good one.
And one last thing...
Adriel and I did everything together- family functions, vacations, even work sometimes. When we broke up, I tried to clear my life of everything that she'd touched. Now I see that that's impossible... So what I urge you to do as I also try to do it, is to claim your memories! During those good times, your ex wasn't the only one there. What about your family, your other friends, and oh yeah- yourself? Don't let your ex rob you of all good memories that took place during a block of your life. Claim them! How will you do that? Umm..I honestly don't know yet. We'll have to work on that together.
It's only 6:30 in Bmore, so I'm sure I'll be back, but I just heard that True blood is on demand, so I'm going to go watch a few episodes. ttyl : )
I think you hit the nail on the head. The feeling of loneliness is probably caused by the fact that we often lose ourselves in relationships. For some reason, (at least to me) the moment I get involved with someone, I can no longer do things by myself. Everything becomes a team activity. And that is precisely why I think it's so hard for me to be alone (because everything is a f__king team sport!)
ReplyDeleteWhat you should keep in mind is that a relationship consists of two individuals, so that even if you are involved with somebody, you can still act on your own. If you can keep your individuality, you should not feel such loneliness.
Then again, it is easier said than done. I cannot say that I practice 100% what I am attempting to preach here. But, baby steps... Good luck on your recovery.
girl i feel because i did all the same things wondering what i did wrong attempting to get rid of everythinh my ex ever touched but one thing i did noticed is when i finally stoped crying i knew the only way to make myself feel better is by doing what i like to do... so i walked around the house just as naked as a jay bird did my hair and make even if i was just in the house and sang my heart out (even tho i cant sing) i had to sit inforont of a mirror and tell myself she is not apart of my life anymore and you need to learn to thing and do for you not other make yourself happy and it works even better if u say it out loud now i am not over her yet and i still talk to her but i am no longer calling her by her pet name and i dont break my neck to see her when she needs me or wants to see me. i have only seen her at work since we broke up. i think my biggest thing is i have to do something to occupy my time so i dont do the reflecting on all of the good and the bad times i really enjoy reading your blog it helps me know that i am not the only person going thew this please keep it coming
ReplyDeleteTo Jay: You're so right- everything really does become and f*ing team sport! ...and learning to go solo is so hard when everything revolved around the two of you. I agree that keeping your induviduality is important...I guess next time I'll need to figure out how to do (really) do that.
ReplyDeleteAariana: Huh...and here I was thinking that I was the only person who pranced around my apartment naked while singing off key... Since you have to see her at work, talking to her seems inevitable as it would probably seem immature to ignore her, but if that's the only place that you're seeing her, it sounds like you're on the right track! But finding activities to occupy your time is the hardest part for us all I guess. Maybe I'll make that one of my focuses today, trying to think of a list. Might be hard since we're all different, but I'll certainly give it a try!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteWell first i would like to commend you for starting this blog and hope this is your first step in your road to recovery. I too have experienced the unexpected turn in my romantic life to come out in the end single. It took me six months of severe depression and anxiety to realize that she was getting the better of me by blaming myself and treating myself as such. I made vow to myself in the beginning of 2010 to stay positive and let it go!!! If you dont let it go, the emotional pain will make you suffer for as long as you allow it. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would hit rock bottom the way I did. The power of women...will kill you, literally. Anyway, let me not ramble about my past life and what was. What I suggest is for you to learn from the situation and understand it. There is no need for you to become angry when thinking about her and the relationship. That's normal. You have to learn to touch and go. You have every right to be angry, but not to stay angry. You owe it to yourself to recover. What helped me a whole lot was reading self-hellp books. I knwo it sounds rather cliche but it made sense to me. Im not talking about the Dr. Phils and the Oprah's of the world, but more on a spiritural level. There is a book called the four agreements which blew me away. It stated stuff I knew, but never put into practice. Check it out if you like to read. Also, music wise, India Arie put things into perspective for me. Her words spoke volumes to me and made me explore who I am and not who I am perceived to be. I will visit this blog from time to time to keep up with your journey. Hopefully you can find that happiness and inner peace, you deserve it. Try not to take what things personally. That's the first step. Peace.
Wow...thanks for your response elgee (even though I'm a little late writing back). I'm getting to a point where I feel less angry about our break up. I definitely have a lot of feelings to sort through, though. But at least I can see that our breaking up was for the best, and hey- maybe there's something better at the end of all this. I will definitely check out the four arrangements...
ReplyDelete*agreements, lol
ReplyDelete...just ordered it on Amazon.
ReplyDelete