So I know I said I'd be back tonight, but when I woke up this morning, I had a sudden urge to listen to Kansas: Carry on my wayward son. Random, I know...but since I was in front of my PC, I figured I write a quick blog. Good morning : )
Since my blackberry is also my alarm clock, it turned on this morning. I had 2 or 3 text messages, so I responded to them all in the same way: "I'm going to be MIA for a while, so if you want me, read the blog". Then I turned my phone off. I'm thinking about considering yesterday as actual day one instead of the day before day one, because I did spend it in solitude...mostly. I was supposed to have overnight company, but when she called to tell me she was on her way, she could tell I had been crying. You know, I learned this little tip recently- if you are indeed interested in someone else, it's never a good idea to harp about your ex. But this is me we're talking about, so that's exactly what I did. When I was done, her tone changed and it was clear that during my 10 minute tirade, she had been texting her other prospects to make new plans for the evening. See? This is precisely why I need time alone, to sort this stuff out...
Tonight I think I'm going to the movies (by myself, of course). I don't know if you'd consider this a cop out, as I can't possibly think about things while watching a movie. But I actually think going on a date alone is extremely brave and might help me to see that being single isn't so bad after all. Then of course, it might have a totally adverse effect and make me feel like a complete loser. Guess I'll just have to wait and see...
At any rate, my goal for today is to figure out what it's going to take for me to be happy alone. I always feel that when no one wants to be around me or hang out with me, or have sex with me, that I'm alone and no one loves me. This is probably my biggest problem in every relationship I've had. So I'm hoping that by the end of the day, I can come up with some solution to start loving me for me. So...this time, I really will talk to you this evening.
i must say going to the movies alone is something i love to do....or even just having a me day sometimes you are the best company
ReplyDeletelol, so true... I have to admit that I didn't quite make it there yesterday (because I was so excited to come home and get these thoughts out of my head), but I think I'm going to go tomorrow night- yes that's right- date night. I'm strong enough that it won't depress me, and I really want to learn to date myself and actually enjoy it. SO...more on that tomorrow night!
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