Hey all : )
Soooo...today I really need advice. I'm starting to miss being out. Now by this I don't mean out of the closet, 'cause honey, I've been out and proud for years! I mean that I miss being out in the world, having fun, flirting, going out dancing! ...okay, I've always been too shy to flirt : / But I miss looking at people that I would flirt with if I weren't so shy! And actually, I can't dance...I have less rhythm than a blind orangutan. But I'm an expert at standing against the wall, yes I am! So today I'm trying to figure out...is there a set time when it is okay to rejoin humanity as a normal person who just so happens to be single? One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend recently, and about a month later she told me that she felt like he broke her. I also felt very broken after my relationship ended...but currently, I'm feeling unexpectedly, well, renewed. I'd say that it has a lot to do with being with 1. speding time alone, and 2. getting closuer. I cleaned my house and my car, got my hair done- Oh yeah, speedbump. I didn't tell you that after I dyed my hair black, it sort of looked like I dyed it, then stuck my hand in a live electrical socket. ...so I had to make an Emergency hair appointment to get it fixed. But I'm looking good again : )
...anyways, I got my hair done, I bonded with my cat- he's still a mischevious little fucker. But before, I felt like he was more my ex's cat than mine because I didn't really understand why he did the things he did. But now, we're hanging out together all day like besties! ...for the most part. After all of that, I took a look at my life as just Brittney-Elizabeth and began to feel a sense of normalcy, and you know, I even think it's quite nice, even without Adriel. Perhaps especially without her. I definitely found closure the last time I spoke with her. Being alone was so hard because I used to feel like she was so perfect and I was a fuck up, and in losing her I'd lost the best thing I'll ever have. But after our most recent encounter I see her for who she truly is, and I realize that I actually didn't lose much at all. So now I'm excited to get back out there! I don't think I'm quite ready to go on a proper date, but I totally want to see and be seen. Put simply- I want to party a little! Why should my life stop for someone whose life hasn't in the least stopped for me? So I want to know; do I sound delusional, or do you guys think it's okay for me to maybe start living a little?
Start living a little at your own pace. With time you'll know when you're ready to take it to the next level(s). It has been six months since my break up and I still freeze up when I want to approach someone or once I do make the effort, I shy away. I feel that going away slowly but surely though. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree. Only you know when you are ready. And only you can decide when to be ready. Oh and just because you happen to recover ahead of your schedule doesn't mean anything. You don't need to stick 100% to your plan, since it was arbitrary to begin with. You just need to stay true to the goal. Why should you stop living and having fun because of your self-imposed 15 days? Go and have a good time with your new self!
ReplyDeleteDitto. It would be nice if we could all live in these self-imposed structures we have created...but it's hard. I would say don't go all out and re-make your existence because that is a recipe for disaster--like being high on uppers...and crashing. The hurt and pain will only be magnified.
ReplyDeletei read your first few entries. found you perusing craigslist. ha go figure. but i had a tough breakup too. and you inspired me to write my story. that was a week ago today. and by writing it all out, I was finally freed of all the hurt and obsession.
ReplyDeleteso thank you. you inspired me, and you freed me, and i thank you so much for it.
also, i just discovered this song. and music has always been a big help... to exemplify any emotion. happy, excited, sad, depressed, betrayal, etc. this emotion, i dunno, this song empowers me somehow.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfBY96qxVRQ
hope you like it!
Start living at my own pace...that's so true. Honestly, even the thought of going on a date with someone makes my stomach turn...I think I would go home and cry myself to sleep afterward, lol. So...I'm all for the baby steps. And Layla- that's a pretty song : )
ReplyDeleteSoo i have no idea how to comment to just you! But my gf just broke up with me today. we've been dating for 8 months and shes my longest relationship ever. i feel like my world is falling apart.. cause we did everything together and her family became mine. Now im so lost and out of place that i dont know how to function, because I just realize without her. Im alone. I dont have friends to hang out with besides her... So the reason why she broke up with me was cause i tried committing suicide. i know it sounds dumb.. but i was really lonely. I sit at my house all day and do nothing for months straigth and i guess i just cracked last night. and she didn't even comfort me. she just yelled and broke up with me.
ReplyDeleteIm so lost...
I went from having someone there and having someone to talk to... to no one at all.
Nichole...I hope you know that breaking up is something that we've all experienced, and so we're here to listen- you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone. If you need a friend or someone to talk or vent to, I'm sure I speak for us all when I say we're here to listen. You can even email me personally if you like: brwilliams389@hotmail.com. But if you're feeling that you could do something drastic, I pray that you'll call 1-800-273-8255 - it's a crisis hotline. I'm here to listen, but I may not always be available right away, and I may not have enough understanding to relate to how you're feeling. So, I wish you luck, and I hope to hear from you again soon : )
ReplyDeleteI just started reading these posts. Its interesting as a straight male who just had a break up with the gf who I fell so hard with and put everything into, that I have been going throug the same emotions and issues. This is definitely helping me think through things, so I wanted to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome Brian : ) I'm glad that everyone can relate, no matter what your background.
ReplyDelete