Solitude concluded.

So today is the last day of solitude. I'd hoped to have wonderful things to say, but in normal fashion, my ex decided to find a way to fuck things up for me. After reading my blog, she decided that she wanted to sit down and talk to me because she felt like she'd been wrong for not telling me the truth. She then preceded to tell me about how, a few months ago when we went to a club with a group of my friends, she met some girl at the bar while I was in the restroom. She then walked to the girl's car with her, and they exchanged numbers. Meanwhile, I waited inside the club, very confused about why my girlfriend had dissapeared for 20 minutes. When she came back, she told me that she'd walked to an ATM so she could get money for a drink at the bar. ...but what bar doesn't take credit cards? I was pissed, but all of my friends sat me down and convinced me that Adriel was a good person, and that her story was true so I just had to let it go even though it seemed strange.

Adriel told me that she wanted to tell me the truth so that we could start over with a clean slate. So I asked her if she was still talking to the girl, and she said yes, but now they're just friends. How do you expect to start over when you're still fucking the source of the problem? I asked. And she said that I'm giving her an ultimatum, making her choose.

So long story short, Adriel saw that I was healing, doing a good thing, and preceded to shit on it and destroy it, and pull me back into her con artist-esque world of bullshit. I've been really good about getting past her, finding positive ways to deal with the pain, and above all- not bad mouthing her. But she is a complete asshole who I shouldn't have given the time of day from the beginning, and I've been doing her too many favors while she continues to try to fuck with my head. She fooled all of my friends, had them thinking she was actually a worthy girlfriend, when all along she's been nothing but a mangled fucked up mess who's nowhere near a good person.

So tonight, when I thought I'd have a wealth of positive to take away from this, I'm so angry inside, so hurt, and so frustrated. Why do people like her exist? And moreso, how can these people be considered religious leaders when they seem to do a better job of destroying lives and breaking people down than any non-minister I know?

I am just so completely frustrated that I don't even know what to do. But shit- maybe this is my fault for falling into one of her pathetic little traps and communicating with her. Clearly she's just the type of person who seeks pleasure in hurting others.

I've just about lost faith in true love. ...but the operative words are "just about". I'm going to vent, get past this moment, continue healing and eventually find someone who's worth my time.

So I'm sorry for all the negativity here, but I have had enough. I'm tired of holding all of this in because I don't want to blast her. Fuck her. I need to let this out- she thinks she's a good person, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in feeling like she is the scum of the fucking earth. I wish I could un-know her and take all this pain away.... At first I loved her and just felt hurt, but now, there is truly hatred in my heart for Adriel and all of her cons.

Needless to say, I'll be back as soon as I regroup, because I'm nowhere near close to healed. I just hope that all I'm doing right now is venting, and that I didn't allow her to reopen the wounds that she caused, and deepen them.

Good night.