Ok so...today I totally acted out when talking to Adriel. I don't know...I obviously live in this fantasy world where she'll suddenly come back and apologize for all of this crap so we can be happy again. But the reality is, she's done all this stuff and though she told me the truth, she's not sorry. I want her to be, but she's not. And so today, I let my emotions get the best of me, and I stepped totally out of my character when talking to her. I'd like to remind that I'm PMSing, so I'm not totally shocked that in light of recent events, something like this finally happened. I was just so frustrated, and I'd had so many emotions bottled up that they all just poured out at once. I certainly didn't come off as very lady like or classy, and I will always kick myself for that, because she's definitely not worth me losing my cool. But long story short, as I was in the middle of my little moment, my friend called. She reminded me that I'm a great person, and if Adriel wants to be with someone else, then let her- because there are still some wonderful people who would be with me. She reminded me of how much I'm loved, so who cares if one person takes her so-called love away? And in the end, I felt pretty foolish for having the little moment that I had, because she's right- I will be okay. When you lose someone you loved, it hurts- but it is not the end of the world and it is certainly not the end of the road.
And so, I'm back everyone! I'm sure I'll have some moments when I think about her and get upset, but you know what? I have the means to get through this! Which brings me to my next subject...
In retrospect, I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea to date just because I still have hurt feelings about my ex. Why should I pass up good people just to sit around and wait for her, when she has no interest in being with me? One of the first indications that Adriel was cheating was that she stopped telling me that I was beautiful, she stopped looking at me with adoration. And so, though I know I shouldn't have, I started feeling unattractive, unworthy. Though you should love yourself enough to automatically know, dating can help remind you just how desirable you are.
And so, I'm going to start living for now instead of putting my life on hold for something that's never going to be with someone who's not worth my time anymore. Now don't get me wrong- I don't plan to start screwing a slew of miscellaneous women...but I am going to get back out there and let the world know that I'm here! ..okay maybe not the entire world.
And I might not find "the one" anytime soon...
...but it should certainly make for some interesting blogs ; )
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