The single life.

Hey all! It has truly been a while since last I wrote, and that is for a reason: I have been, well, living! Aside from work, I've been dating, working on my business, hanging with my friends, chilling with my beautiful neices and the rest of my family, and just generally (and genuinely) enjoying my life. ...Aside from the fact that I'm still pretty broke : / But why dwell on the negative?

I'm writing today because I've had this really strange thing on my mind for a few days and it won't go away... I went to the movies on Friday with my sister, her best friend, and my neices. Before the movie, we browsed some stores in the mall, then headed to a restaurant to get something to eat. On the way there, I saw this girl who I thought was really freaking attractive. Strangely, I'm finding that lately I'm less ashamed at showing people that I'm attracted, and I no longer struggle to find words when speaking to someone who I'm interested in (thank GOD!). So I looked at her pretty confidently, smiled a little, and said "hey". She smiled back...then I watched as her eyes quickly darted down, and she continued walking. "What the fuck just happened??", I wondered. Then I looked down and realized that I was pushing a baby stroller. For just a moment I considered making my sister's friend push instead so people wouldn't assume things. Then I thought about it... This is my neice, this is my family- and they come first. To be totally honest, I don't think I'd date a girl with children (or child), but I'm still not going to push baby Charley to the side in hopes of getting some digits.

Still, I couldn't get the moment out of my mind... That night I went home and actually had a nightmare. I was four months pregnant and starting to show, and I was terrified. Girls looked at me in disgust and kept walking, I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone, and worse- I didn't know who the father was. I remember feeling trapped, scared, alone, ugly... I didn't have any sort of breakthrough after the dream, but I guess I'm sharing it with you guys because I've discovered here lately that I don't think I want children. I'm only 22 (until the end of the month, at least) so I guess I have some time to work through these feelings, but...I just wanted to share that.

Moving on...My dating life has been really nice. My friend and I hung out last weekend and as we were leaving my apartment, concierge called to tell me that I had a package waiting at the front desk. Since I am online order queen, I excitedly headed to the front desk to get the book I've been waiting for (I ordered the four agreements WEEKS ago, but have yet to receive it). When she handed me the package, I thought it seemed a little small, but I shrugged it off and tore it open. What I found inside was not a book at all- it was Oliver and Company, a movie that is commonly known to be one of my favorites. "I didn't order this..." I said. My friend turned to me and said, "No, you didn't". Okay, so it was just a Disney movie, and it probably didn't cost much...but I swear that was so fucking sweet. I saved it until one day this week when she spent the night again, and we watched it together. I might love that one... The girl, I mean.

By the way, after another friend of mine let me borrow and read "Skinny Bitch", I officially made the transition from vegetarian to vegan, baby! And I feel great! So she came over yesterday and we went shopping together, then came back to my apartment and together we made turkey, fresh spinach and buttered noodles- all totally organic, delicious, and vegan. While we ate, we talked- really talked, and I learned a lot about her. I think I might be starting to love her too, lol.

I do have a great connection with both of these girls (aaaand maybe one other), but we are all single and honest with one another, so I'm not "playing" anyone. I should also state that I'm very open to the idea of dating one person again...but if it's going to happen, it's going to happen at snail speed. I need to make sure it's right this time, and that I'm dating someone that I could truly spend a significant part of my life with. And until I'm absolutely sure I'll continue to date and enjoy the pleasures of being single- contrary to popular belief, there are a great many benefits that come with it.

So to recap- babies freak me out, single looks good on me, and things are nice right now. That's about it! See you all soon : )