I'm back with scars to show...

People often say that things get much worse before they get better. I have so much to be thankful for, but so much is about to change in my life and above all I feel so...lonely? It's not that I'm longing for a relationship (although I wouldn't turn one down either), it's just that I've never gone through these many changes at one time and had no one to talk to about it. My apartment looks so sad and empty...I'm going to be giving up my view in less than a week, and maybe my favorite chair, too. No big deal, I guess. But my family has opted out of helping me with this move. I sent them an email asking if anyone could spare a car, a box, or just a hand in helping me pack, and they all said 'no' in so many words. My mother, who doesn't hide her disdain for my sexual preference, said several times that I need a man to help me, that I need man power, that I should find a man blah blah blah. Funny, when they need help or want me to do something or go with them, I'm always there. And when I spend too much money to have dinner parties for them, they come without hesitation. I rarely ask my family for help, and this is why. So I'm a little dissapointed I guess, but not terribly mad. It's what I expected.

On top of the fact that I have to leave my apartment by April 30th, I start a new job on May 1st. Same company, same title (mostly), but at a new location. I remember when the Zenith was built...I wanted to live there so badly but knew I'd never be able to afford it. Then when my ex and I halfheartedly looked for places, she wanted to go there, too. And now here I am, working there. I certainly didn't see that one coming. I'm going to be there temporarily, but they're hiring for the position that I'll be working, so I could apply if I want to. I don't know if I want to though...

Because I'll also be starting Real Estate classes in two weeks. It only takes a few months to get a liscense, and I already have a home once I am liscensed. It's funny how things work... I took a job at a Real Estate office last summer after praying long and hard about it. The job was totally unrelated to anything that I want to do in life, and I only made $300 a week which was by no means enough to support all of my bills, but after a lot of prayer I felt that I was meant to take the job and so I did. I only stayed for two months before getting a much better job, and I often wondered...what was my purpose for having worked there? Now as I prepare for my liscense, it all makes sense. Any agent knows that when you have a liscense, you have to be affiliated with a real estate office. They usually charge you thousands of dollars for this, because you get a desk and computer usage, materials, business cards and other fun. But when I talked to my old boss, he told me that he would not charge a fee, and that I could most definitely work there when I am liscensed. He told me that he would help me with my first few deals, that he wouldn't charge as high a fee as other offices do, and that if I couldn't afford the other necessary start up costs, he would let me borrow his materials until I could. I remember during my interview telling him that the reason I was taking that job last summer was because I felt that that was where God wanted me at the time. I thought that it would sound crazy, but he totally understood. Now I understand, too.

On top of all this, I've decided that Baltimore needs a nice, classy lesbian..activity. Every well rounded lesbian I know usually travels to DC if they want to party with a classy gay crowd. So I'm going to try my hand at hosting a weekly happy hour. Supposedly I'll be partering with my best friend, but her plate is full these days because she and her girlfriend just moved in together, she has a full time job and she's a full time student, she has a small business as I do, and she's a full time mom. So as much as I'd love for us to partner on this one, I assume I'll be doing it alone. More on this as right now I'm still looking for a location.

With so many changes afoot (including some that I won't bore you with mentioning), I sometimes wish I had someone to go through this with. But I'm also pretty proud of how successful I've been at doing things alone. I'm handling this move alone- I've moved several times but I've never had to figure it all out by myself... I'm learning to make decisions alone, and I guess I'll learn to find success alone. So...we shall see where the road takes me from here. I hope everyone else is doing well- especially those of you who were also struggling through a break up. We'll be okay in the end- not to worry : )